Went to a conference. Ashamed of feeling like a kid, along for the ride. Everyone's so serious and intellectual, and I just don't know how to be that way. I'm not really 100% convinced that I have the desire ... I'm lazy. I do know that I meet incredible people who leave me with the desperate need to be impressive. But really, I just have more interest in life itself than in any particular aspect. I've never been able to devote my whole mind, body, and being to a single subject. Is that a bad thing? There are plenty of people out there who contribute, right, without being the world-changers? Do the people they admire still think highly of them, just as human beings, or are they merely disappointed?
...Rather, does one really have to be defined by one's career? Motivated, inspired, intrigued, yet confused, desirous, lost.
I feel the same way. I'm involved with a leadership institute for the state library association and feel awful because everybody else seems to immerse themselves in the profession and have these lofty ambitions, while my mind is on other non-library related things. I love what I do, but feel like I lack passion, which I think is typical for a work-to-live type.
ReplyDeleteWhile I can't offer any suggestions, you can take comfort in knowing that you're not alone.
I think if you wanted to be defined by your career, you would be (though I don't recommend it). Or, if you wanted to focus on a single subject you would (ditto). Eventually the other subjects/interests would get crowded out by the Most Important Thing Ever (which would be sad).
ReplyDeleteI don't think you're exhibiting a lack of focus. (Or laziness. It takes true motivation to do something other than what you get paid to do.) I'm also betting that those people in your field whom you admire, are involved in *plenty* of other, non-librarial interests. You just don't hear about those interests because those people want to appear focused and single-minded of purpose.