Too young to be heroes, too old to play April Fools'...

Otherwise known as Hip, part II. When last we discussed this particular subject, I had decided to ignore it for the present. Well, I got a little tired of that, so I looked around online and I tried another orthopedic doctor ... one that has actually specialized in research on arthritis, etc. in younger patients. He looks at my MRI scans and does some slightly different X-rays, and declares that I am suffering from hip dysplasia, which basically means that my bones don't fit together properly. As a result, arthritis! We decide, of course, on a cortisone injection. Well, tried that. The shot sucked, the hip hurt in a variety of new and interesting ways for a week afterward, and then it sort of settled back down into normalcy. We're talking my hip's brand of normal, here, which means it still hurts. I suppose on average it hurts a little less, but I am definitely not living pain-free.

So, in the follow-up, doc says that basically, if pain management doesn't work, replace it! Ack. I am also supposed to look into a truly terrifying procedure that involves cutting my bones and trying to fit them back together properly. Seriously, I can't even think about that without bursting into nervous and slightly hysterical laughter. Anyway, my doctor doesn't think that it is an option for me since I am already suffering from arthritis, but he wants me to go get looked at by a specialist anyway. Still need to schedule that...

So. I'm sort of back to ignoring/waiting it out. I don't want to have a hip replacement right now. I guess I'd like to wait as long as possible. Generally, it seems that I will reach a point where I just can't take it anymore, so I guess I'm going to wait 'til I get there. We'll see. I can't really say that I'm dealing with this brilliantly ... I get pretty ticked off sometimes, you know, sort of a "why me?" reaction, or just annoyed that this is happening now, when I'm thirty-four, instead of sixty. But, what can you do? I've altered my workouts and fencing habits as much as I am willing, I take ibuprofin or whatever (only seems to work a little sometimes), and I have a big ice pack that covers my whole hip with which I am in love. That'll have to do for now. I'm waiting until I literally "can't get out of bed".

*Title from "Give In" by Tina Dico

Open letter 3

Dear Lady GaGa-

Madonna's already done pretty much everything you're doing, and somehow, it looked less silly on her.

Kisses,

S

Loss

death isolation
futility alone
i am by myself here
you've left
and now the life
has run
away from the light
and happiness
is a shadow
dark and ugly
and
i feel that you
were stupid to go

you didn't know
the love you had
and left behind
for want of attention
that was already there
and left us all
to love you now
that you are gone
and your spirit is left
to carry your memory
alone

JCS, 8/13/1977-8/21/1991

Tournament

IQ is no problem here
We won't be playing Scrabble for her hand I fear
I need that beer ~ "Seven Days," Sting

I was listening to Ten Summoner's Tales yesterday, and when this line was sung, I thought (and maybe said aloud, alone in my car) "Oh, they would totally be playing Scrabble for my hand." And that got me to thinking ... what if we found our mates via tournament? What sort of competition(s) would you have in order to select the person you wanted to spend your time with? Here's what I came up with ...

It would have to be a multi-part tournament, with a bunch of different, smaller competitions, and a total score to determine the winner in the end. Probably not Scrabble, but maybe Trivial Pursuit, for one of the rounds. I had trouble with an athletic component ... I'm thinking maybe some type of obstacle course that would serve as an equalizer for men with various/different athletic abilities. Definitely a talent portion that could involve any type of performance skill. Maaaybe a stand-up comedy routine? And finally, (this would be the hard one) some type of teamwork assignment for all competitors as a group, designed to determine things harder to fathom personality-wise, you know, ability to work in a group, selflessness, leadership qualities, quick thinking, resourcefulness, etc. Obviously, that's a rough overview, but really, I think it could work. Obviously if someone were not a brilliant athlete, they could make up in other areas, like intellect and talent, and just generally being a good person ... like my husband, who is probably glad he didn't have to go through an obstacle course in order to win my hand.

Open letter, part II

Dear citizens of the United States -

In case you hadn't noticed, we are (still) in something of an economic crisis. Even if you don't "believe" in it, we are also in the midst of an environmental crisis. This word, "crisis," pretty much means that we (and our government) all have to do things that we might not like. You know, like paying more taxes. Suck it the hell up and learn how to share. Maybe we should all go back to kindergarten?

Disgustedly,

Samantha

Expertise

Do you ever think about the mundane little things that you do with great capability during the day? The really, really simple things, like buttering your toast or even something that requires a certain amount of skill, like driving a car? We do those things with ease and confidence. We don't even think about them at all. What if we could apply that same sense to the things about which we worry, like our jobs, or a sport, or a performance? Is that how "professionals" do it?

Compare and contrast

Now see, this is why I still like Russell Crowe better than Robert Downey, Jr. and why I think Crowe's a better actor. His next announced role will be in a drama directed by Paul Haggis entitled Next Three Days. Robert Downey, Jr., on the other hand, will next appear in Due Date, directed by "that guy who did Old School and The Hangover", and co-starring Zach Galifianakis. Sigh.

Sure, RDJ will make more money. And some say comedy is harder than drama. But still ... I am not a big fan of drama in general, but I hate, hate the "new comedy" a la Apatow, et al. C'mon, man. You're a really good actor. Show it instead of making with the paydays.

Rant?

I very sincerely believe that everyone - individuals, governments, everyone- needs to use their brains to think intelligently and rationally, with moderation, perspective, and a lack of personal bias. I am so incredibly tired of listening to people complain about what the government's doing because they are losing jobs/money/etc. or to governments (or pieces of individual governments) bicker amongst themselves because they think someone else should make the concession, or to people rant and rave about things about which they either have no cold, hard, facts or refuse to believe the cold hard facts presented to them. Why hasn't the economy turned around yet? Because it takes years to dig into a hole, therefore it will take years to dig out. This is not rocket science. The NY Senate gets no work done for a full month because they can't agree about who's in control. Gee, thanks, guys. Way to do what the people hired you to do. The various countries of the world want to argue about who should do more to clean up the environment instead of actually cleaning up the environment. For god's sake. Get over yourselves. Think about someone else for a change. If not your neighbor, then your kids. Grandkids. Whatever.

No-one is exempt. Me included. I'm just so disgusted with humanity in general these days. My inclination when I got into the car this morning was not to listen to NPR. Should've gone with my gut.

Growing old

So, way back when, I solicited topics for further discussion. One request was to "hear more about the hip". Since it's possible that there are readers (hey, anything's possible) who know nothing about this, I'll try to start from the beginning.

I guess for a couple of years now, I've started having pain in my right hip. As is my tendency, I ignored it for a long while. Knees hurt, hip hurt, whatever, no big deal. Well, the pain started to get worse ... not in a particularly incapacitating sort of way, but just in an "wow, maybe I shouldn't have fenced that last bout" kind of way. It hurt a lot if I was out walking for any extended period of time, or if I was out in cold weather. And, since I am currently gainfully employed with insurance benefits, I decided that maybe it was time for it to get looked at.

I went to see an orthopedist, who poked and prodded a bit. Of course, it behaved perfectly. They took x-rays. Everything looked normal. Next step, MRI. But not just any old MRI -- one with an arthrogram, which means injecting a contrast solution into the hip joint so that those bits show up clearer. I do not recommend this activity. The MRI itself wasn't as bad as I feared (apparently, I am not claustrophobic), but that damn shot was painful, and my hip hurt for about a week afterward. It didn't help that they managed to hit a nerve while they were in there, I imagine.

What the MRI told us is that I have "lost" a good bit of the cartilage that ought to be padding my hip joint. We are all bewildered as to how that happened. The doctors (I ended up seeing a second one, as well) keep asking if there's been any sort of trauma or injury. There hasn't. I am apparently too young for a hip replacement, and one of the doctors actually said "this isn't the kind of thing we do a replacement for." However, there's not really a fix. I got a lot of noise about pain management...but I decided that a steady regimen of Aleve and/or cortisone shots don't really appeal to me at this point in my life, for various reasons. One doctor said physical therapy wouldn't really help, the other said it might, so I might look into that at a later point.

For now, I'm just limping along. I'm sort of learning what sets it off and what doesn't ... unfortunately, exercising 6 days a week seems to be problematic. It was pointed out to me that loss of cartilage with resulting bone contact, inflammation, and pain is essentially arthritis. So, I've got an arthritic hip at the age of 33. Apparently, that's fairly unusual for someone under the age of 65. But what can you do? It's not as though I can do something that will bring about the return of that cartilage. I plan on just keeping on and seeing what happens later. I might go back to another orthopedist at some point, just to see if they have anything different to say. And maybe, when I'm old enough, they'll replace the sucker. I have to admit, I'm kind of hoping for that. I totally want to be that 50 year old vet fencer with the bionic hip.

The Poet Lovers - Eugene Field

Completely charmed by this poem I just found ... it's the final piece in a book I'm processing.




In some cases, it helps if you speak it aloud. I think my favorite line is Speak not at Talbot give some sign,/However Smollet be.

The art of being grown-up

Went to a conference. Ashamed of feeling like a kid, along for the ride. Everyone's so serious and intellectual, and I just don't know how to be that way. I'm not really 100% convinced that I have the desire ... I'm lazy. I do know that I meet incredible people who leave me with the desperate need to be impressive. But really, I just have more interest in life itself than in any particular aspect. I've never been able to devote my whole mind, body, and being to a single subject. Is that a bad thing? There are plenty of people out there who contribute, right, without being the world-changers? Do the people they admire still think highly of them, just as human beings, or are they merely disappointed?

...Rather, does one really have to be defined by one's career? Motivated, inspired, intrigued, yet confused, desirous, lost.

Things on my afternoon walk downtown that made me smile

*This on my iPod.
*Tulips!
*People jogging.
*A gentleman carrying a Chico Bag.
*An elderly woman who reminded me somehow of my grandmother.
*The building with the "Danbury Police Community Services Building" sign. Aren't the police, by definition, entirely "community services"?
*The boy in CVS who attempted to chat me up by remarking on the amount of cat hair on my fleece jacket.
*The business employee out in front of his store watering the shrubbery ... with a little silver watering can.
*The clock sticking out of the side of the building (that did not say four of two).
*Did I mention the tulips? I love tulips.

Oh, hello

Dear me. I've said nothing interesting in a while. Perhaps ever. Um...I shall now attempt to list the things that have occupied my brainspace for the past few weeks:

*vacations
*hiking
*nature
*torture
*politics
*Russell Crowe
*Anna Karenina (Yes! I am reading a Russian novel, and I am enjoying it!)
*cataloging
*Charles Dickens
*SPRING
*children and child-rearing
*singing (Starting to miss it)
*the future
*aging/dying/depressing things
*I, Claudius (Mostly the identification of random British actors whilst watching crazy Roman people do crazy, crazy things. Oh, Caligula.)
*thinking more deeply about a subject before I mouth off about it (You know, actually using my brain?)
*clothes/style
*fencing, my effing hip, and physical fitness in general


...Hmm. Maybe some time soon I'll have something that I feel is worthy to say, again. Maybe. I mean, just look at that list. It is fraught with potential subjects for deep and meaningful blogging, isn't it? Anything in particular I should pontificate upon, theoretic readers?

The Ugly Truth

I totally want to see this movie. I generally enjoy rom-coms, and my love for Gerard Butler is well-documented ... although I kind of can't stand Katherine Heigl. What is interesting to me about this movie, though, is that so far we've got two trailers, and I don't think that fully follow the usual formula for rom-com trailers. Boy and girl meet. Boy and girl hate each other. Boy/Girl is interested in other Boy/Girl. Ultimately, Boy/Girl and second Boy/Girl doesn't work out, and original Boy/Girl realize that they're perfect for each other. And usually the trailer reflects that. In this case, however, we get only marginal hints that maaaybe Boy is realizing he really likes Girl, but no indication that Girl is interested in Boy, or that second Boy is going to turn out to be a total jerk. Now, I don't doubt for a second that this is how the movie is actually going to play out, but I think it's interesting that they're withholding this in the trailers. Brilliant marketing, really, since you might go see it just to see if they actually do something different.

Or maybe I'm just continually looking for excuses to go see it. Y'know, aside from the fact that Gerard Butler is totally going to be my second husband. ;)

**Don't feel like posting links to trailers. You can look 'em up if you're interested.

An open letter

To teenaged girls (yes, I know, there are none reading this blog) everywhere:

See this?

That's Dev Patel. He was in that movie, Slumdog Millionaire. No, not the one about emo vampires ... the one that won 8 Oscars last night. Yeah. Anyway. Look at him! He is young, and adorable, and British, but with a nice exotic twist. He looks clean and alert and seems to be unfailingly polite. So cute! So charming! I really fail to understand why you are not all screaming and swooning over him instead of


Robert Pattinson, who says really weird things in interviews, seems to have an aversion to even the most rudimentary of hair styling tools or products, and really just looks stoned most of the time.

Can we work on that? Seriously, I think you'll thank me as time goes by and you get a little older. Kthxbye!

Crosswords + Chickweed = win.

Awesome. Means "to kiss", btw. I'm seriously going to be using that word whenever possible.

GOOP

Hi. My name is Samantha, and I like GOOP. Just in case there's anyone reading this (who doesn't know what GOOP is), I will explain. GOOP is, more or less, the blog of Gwyneth Paltrow, in which she offers recommendations on the following: Food to make, places to go, things to see and do, things to buy, and ways to make one's life better. The website has many detractors, even in terms of the bigger guns, like E!Online, which never misses an opportunity to mock this website. But you know what? I think it's pretty cool. I get all the snarky comments about how she thinks she's the next Martha Stewart, or she seems to forget that she is a ridiculously rich person and therefore has different taste/ideas about what is affordable than us average Janes, or that it's just so holier-than-thou. And to those comments, I choose to reply with an idea that is becoming really important to me as I grow: Learn from whatever source you can. Are her recommendations sometimes expensive, or snooty, or just plain ridiculous (I'm looking at you, detox diets)? Sure. But sometimes, they're good! I like her notion of layering outfits by starting with basic pieces that can be added to depending on the occasion. We actually tried two of her recipes for our Thanksgiving dinner, and they were really good! And she's got a workout video posted that was done by her trainer, who also trains Madonna. Now, sure, this trainer probably charges astronomically for a private session, but who am I to look askance at a free workout video? Might I remind you that both Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna, while sometimes scarily so in the latter's case, are both in really good shape?
I'm not saying that anyone should follow Gwyneth Paltrow's (or anyone else's, for that matter) ideas about how to live life wholly or to the letter ... you should come up with your own. But the best way I know to do that is to borrow shamelessly from other people when you think they have a good idea. And so, I will avoid detox diets and overpriced Christmas gifts, but I will enjoy the use of black leggings as a basis for getting dressed in the morning, and roasted brussels sprouts and a really good salad dressing, and positive recommendation on a great sushi restaurant in NYC, and glowing praise for a book I've been meaning to read, and I think my life will be better for it. If others choose to miss out because they think they're being condescended to by Pepper Potts, well, that's their choice. Me, I'll take tips on life from wherever they come. Even if the name "GOOP" is pretty freakin' stupid.

Social networking?

You know, Facebook is kind of sad when you were never the popular kid. There are lots of people from my past that I remember fondly, and it's always exciting to find them on some website, to see what they've been up to and what they look like now. I'm happy to see them. I like to talk to them, hear how they've been, and all of that. And that's great.
I've come to realize, however, that such "relationships" leave me cold. This is unsurprising, and probably not unusual, but I think it goes deeper than that. Because I spend (too much) time on things like Facebook, I see the interactions that my friends have with their friends. They're all so excited to see each other! And they go into immediate reminiscences, and they often call each other to catch up, and maybe even meet up. And I guess what I realize is that I have always been on the periphery.
I was never the popular kid. In grade school, I was the antithesis of the popular kid. In high school and college, I thought that I fit in more, but I guess people still held me at arm's length. There are no "Hey, remember when"s and "I was just talking about you"s and "Call me, let's get together"s. There are certainly practical reasons for that, most notably the fact that I live nowhere near most of these people. And I admit that there are some people I never knew that well due to my own disinterest or some other reason. But ultimately ... I think of the quote from the film version of Sense & Sensibility when Willoughby says of Brandon that he is the sort of person that "everyone thinks highly of, but no-one remembers to talk to".
I think that I am just a person that people encountered on the way rather than someone they remember fondly or wish to reconnect with. I'm just that girl, the little one that everyone picked on, or the one who dressed funny and didn't wear shoes, or the one who showed up at lots of fencing tournaments. I suppose that I shouldn't complain, as there are most likely a whole slew of people that nobody remembers at all. But it makes me sad. What people don't realize about me is that all I have ever wanted in my life was to fit in somewhere. Be normal. One of them. But I was somehow always the unusual one, and the more people treated me as such, the more I suppose it came true.
There's worse, though, and that's the people that I realize want largely nothing to do with me, and some who I know don't even like me anymore. It makes me realize that I must've done something, or been someone that they didn't like or that made them unhappy. I suppose some have just moved on and don't care one way or the other.
At the bottom of it, though, is that same little girl who never uttered a word and never cried, but who only wanted to be included and loved. I still try so hard, maybe too hard, to make people happy or make them like me or just make them feel good because I like making people feel happy. I do it freely, yes; but doesn't every one want something in return? I remind myself to look for that love and acceptance from the few close friends I do have, from my husband, from myself ... but I don't think I ever got over not having it from the people I grew up with, and I wonder if I will ever stop looking for it now.

Words looked up today:

apostasy
haem
meson

This edification brought to you by leisure activities such as "Word Challenge" on Facebook and The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama.

Be excellent

My "New Year's Resolution" can be summed up in this way : I'm going to be nice to myself. To elaborate only slightly, my hope is to stop and think about my actions, and whether or not they're going to enhance/make better, or be harmful. Reasonably appropriate on the heels of a teensy bit of celebratory excess ringing in the New Year. Let the improvement begin?

Final thought of 2008

Alright, it's really going to be two thoughts, mostly because I don't want to seem completely shallow.

1. I'm just starting The Audacity of Hope, and I've listened with interest to the preparation that President-Elect Obama has been making (yay, science!), and man, I am glad I voted for that guy.

2. I am totally, utterly annoyed that Heath Ledger is stealing all of Robert Downey, Jr.'s thunder this year just because he died. There. I said it. The Dark Knight was a trainwreck of a movie, nothing compared to Iron Man, and Downey, Jr.'s performance in Tropic Thunder blows The Joker out of the water. I am not looking forward to award season and seeing who the hell ever gets to go up and accept awards snivel over and over again about Heath Ledger while RDJ just sits there and looks like a hot, hot guy who fixed his shit instead of shuffling off the mortal coil. So there.

Awesome book of the day

Joyce, James, 1882-1941
Finnegans wake / by James Joyce
London : Faber and Faber ; New York : Viking, 1939


Limited first edition. 425 copies, numbered and signed. I think what gets me is holding such a book, maybe taking it in hand to write the call number in the back, and thinking "James Joyce held this book in a very similar manner, almost 70 years ago." It's not the 70 years that's so impressive in this case, but rather the James freaking Joyce part.

This is when I really love my job.

War economy?

I've just finished reading Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States, which might be my biggest accomplishment in 2008. I've actually been "reading" it for a couple of years now, half a chapter at a time, usually after I'd read another entire book or two. About a month ago I decided that enough was enough, and I was going to just finish the bloody thing already. There was quite a feeling of excitement upon finishing, let me tell you. I might have "raar"ed and thrown the book down (gently, of course). I'm not telling. But anyway, I had a point to make here.

One of the things that Zinn focuses quite a lot on is the way in which the US government, quite often, chooses to control society and the economy by engaging in wars. He makes his point quite clearly, and I started to think about how, in my memory, that's been true, what with the Bushes and the Middle East. I've also been thinking about how (if at all) the Obama presidency will differ from the way the government has been operating for a really long time. Obama does not fall into the standard mold, and so even if he represents the upper classes in his personal situation in life, he's still outside of that white, Anglo-Saxon (to coin Zinn's description of the presidency in general) box. Back to the war economy idea ... at one point in reading I chortled to the husband that at least with the way things are now, Obama was unlikely to fall back on that sort of operation. However, I'm rethinking that. Is it possible that we will just pull out of Iraq and jump right into Afghanistan? I guess what I am not sure about (being, you know, in no way qualified to talk about this sort of thing) is whether or not the "war economy strategy" will even work at this point, seeing as we're already knee-deep in such nonsense and it's certainly not doing anything for the economy right now.

I guess what I'm getting at is just that I hope the mold is good and broken. I hope that Obama is different enough to shake things up, and I hope that the system has reached the point where it no longer functions, and we need a new system. Fingers crossed, eh?

This is what I get for listening to NPR on the way to work...sometimes it's worth it, though, if only to hear Steve Inskeep say "SuperPoke!"

Sexy.

There is no point to this post other than to declare that I think the song "Come On Get Higher" by Matt Nathanson is damn sexy. Even if he himself is not particularly.

Yes? No?

To be read:

"Ours is essentially a tragic age, so we refuse to take it tragically. The cataclysm has happened, we are among the ruins, we start to build up new little habitats, to have new little hopes. It is rather hard work: there is now no smooth road into the future: but we go round, or scramble over the obstacles. We've got to live, no matter how many skies have fallen."

~First paragraph of Lady Chatterley's Lover by D.H. Lawrence.

The first American edition* is sitting just to the left of me, waiting to be cataloged. That first paragraph is fabulous. Why haven't I read this yet?

*Fine, so it's not the first Am. edition, but rather a reprint claiming to be such. Not that it matters, but I feel the need to truthfully represent the collection.

Meme? Here?

1. What's your name?
Samantha. What's yours?

2. What is your favorite thing to wear?
Black.

3. Last thing you ate?
Lunch.

4. One place you will NEVER eat?
I tend to avoid McDonald's, but try to never say never.

5. I say 'shotgun,' you say:
Wedding?

6. Last person you hugged?
Andrew.

7. Does anyone you know wanna date you?
I don't know. I hope so. It's good for my ego.

8. Would you date anyone you met online?
I think I have...

9. Name something you like about your physical self:
I like my muscles.

10. The last place you went out to dinner?
Desert Moon Cafe.

11. Who is your best friend?
My husband.

12. What time of the day is it?
2:45 pm.

13. Who/What made you angry today?
Hearing Saxby Chambliss' victory speech on NPR. RAGE.

14. Baseball or football?
Baseball on TV, football live. Fencing FTW.

15. Ever gone skinny dipping?
I don't think so, actually.

16. Favorite type of food?
Sushi.

17. Favorite holiday:
Christmas.

18. Do you download music?
I did when I had a gift certificate to iTunes...

19. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
No.

20. Opinion of Chinese symbol tattoos?
I don't really care, but I will mock you if you are not fully aware of what your tattoo means.

21. Would you date the person who posted this?
No. She's definitely not my type. Lovely, but no.

22. Has anyone ever sung or played for you personally?
Yep.

23. Do you love anyone?
Lots of people.

24. Are colored contact lenses sexy?
That would depend on the color.

25. Have you ever bungee jumped?
No, but I think about it sometimes.

26. Have you ever gone white-water rafting?
Sort of. The rapids weren't very ... rapid-y, though.

27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?
A few. Some successfully.

28. How many pets do you have?
2 kitties.

29. Have you met a real redneck?
I am from Georgia. You figure it out.

30. How is the weather right now?
Not cold enough.

31. What are you listening to right now?
Deep Blue Something.

32. What is your current favorite song?
"Busby Berkeley Dreams" by The Magnetic Fields.

33. What was the last movie you watched?
An Ideal Husband. It was fun!

34. Do you wear contacts?
Yes, quite.

35. Where was the last place you went besides your house?
Work, fencing.

36. What are you afraid of?
Spiders and death.

37. How many piercings have you had?
Three.

38. What further piercings do you want?
I keep saying I'll get an upper ear one...

39. What's one thing you've learned this year?
So many things that I can't think of just one.

40. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Either a chai latte or hot tea.

41. What Magazines are you reading?
I subscribe to Self and Vegetarian Times.

42. Have you ever fired a gun:
Ick.

43. Are you missing someone?
Sure.

44. Favorite TV show?
Don't really have a favorite.

45. Do you have an obsession with WoW?
No, but I like The Guild.

46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb?
Yes.

47. Which celeb do you look like?
I usually get Christina Ricci. I've also heard Winona Ryder, Demi Moore, Ally Sheedy, and Audrey Hepburn. No, seriously.

48. Who would you like to see right now?
Oh, you know, in a perfect world Robert Downey, Jr. would show up to do some research for a role...

49. Favorite movie of all time?
Singing in the Rain. I normally don't do favorites but I made an executive decision on this one.

50. Do you find yourself loved?
Yes.

51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to?
Of course.

52. Favorite smell?
Rain? I dunno.

53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?
Butter butter butter.

54. What's something that really bugs you?
Nearly everything at some point in time.

55. Do you like Michael Jackson?
I am ambivalent towards the Gloved One.

56. Taco Bell or Burger King?
Taco Bell, hands down.

57. What's your favorite perfume?
Anything "amber".

58. Favorite baseball team?
Go Twins!!

59. Ever call a 1-900 phone number?
I don't think so.

60. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep?
I've probably done about 24 hours.

61. Last time you went bowling?
Oh geez. In Bloomington? With Mari and Davin? Maybe?

62. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
Please, I have enough trouble sleeping at home.

63. Who was your last phone call?
Probably Andrew. Or Ben.

64. Last time you were at work?
Currently.

65. What's the closest orange object to you?
My sweater's kind of orange...

Cut that out!

injunction:
1. The act or an instance of enjoining: order,admonition
2. A writ granted by a court of equity whereby one is required to do or to refrain from doing a specified act.

Enjoining? To direct or impose by authoritative order or with urgent admonition.

Brought to you by Howard Zinn and the ever-present M-W.com.

Celebrity baby names: WTF?

Do you think that there are out there in the world tons of ridiculous names, and that it is just because they are in the public eye that it seems as though celebrities come up with the craziest ones? I mean, maybe there's lots of other kids out there with names like Zuma and Apple and Pilot Inspektor and we just don't know about it because their parents aren't famous. Whatever the case, here's the newest crazy effing name, granted to a child who will, no doubt, get eyeliner and black nailpolish for Christmas and who will be beaten up because his dad is Pete Wentz, notwithstanding the fact that his name is Bronx Mowgli Wentz. Honestly, given the parents, we should have expected something insane, but wow. Just, wow.

Welcome to the world. Sorry, kid.

WOD: lucubrations

Don't ask me. Shows up in Special Collections a fair amount, though. Fancy word from the 18th-19th centuries, having something to do with miscellaneous sort of writings.

Hit me, Merriam Webster: "laborious or intensive study ; also : the product of such study —usually used in plural."

You're on your own with pronunciation ... I'm still practicing.

Edification, courtesy of NPR

This morning, there were a few things I decided to look up after hearing them discussed on NPR. I will say that again, I had sort of the gist of them, but wanted some clarification. Here we go!

pragmatic:According to Merriam Webster Online, if something is pragmatic, it is "relating to matters of fact or practical affairs often to the exclusion of intellectual or artistic matters : practical as opposed to idealistic." While I don't really like the bit about excluding intellectual matters, seeing as this was in reference to Obama's team of economic advisers, I'm mostly glad to hear it. Wasn't he supposedly going to be the idealism king? I don't really think that exclusion is valid in this particular instance, Obama being fairly intellectual. Anyway.

I've also decided that, since I'm attempting to pay closer attention to the workings of our governement, it's a really good time to learn some things since Obama is choosing his cabinet and filling all these positions, etc. To that end, the first nomination, apparently, is for the position of Attorney General, that going to one Eric Holder. "Attorney General" seems to be more or less a simple concept; my guess would be that what we're talking about here is kind of the head lawyer for a presidential administration. According to the website of the Department of Justice, "the Judiciary Act of 1789 created the Office of the Attorney General which evolved over the years into the head of the Department of Justice and chief law enforcement officer of the Federal Government. The Attorney General represents the United States in legal matters generally and gives advice and opinions to the President and to the heads of the executive departments of the Government when so requested. In matters of exceptional gravity or importance the Attorney General appears in person before the Supreme Court. Since the 1870 Act that established the Department of Justice as an executive department of the government of the United States, the Attorney General has guided the world's largest law office and the central agency for enforcement of federal laws." So that's what he does. For extra edification, the mission statement of the Department of Justice is "to enforce the law and defend the interests of the United States according to the law; to ensure public safety against threats foreign and domestic; to provide federal leadership in preventing and controlling crime; to seek just punishment for those guilty of unlawful behavior; and to ensure fair and impartial administration of justice for all Americans." I guess the only thing that confuses me a little here is the bit about being the "chief law enforcement officer", which just makes the AG sound like a policeman. I suppose, though, that since law enforcement does fall to the Judicial branch of government (as opposed to the other two) that it's all the same, really. It's just the use of the term "officer" that throws me, I think.

Kindly do not make fun of me - I was never a good student, and the last time I studied government would have been 10 years ago, so there. I'm doing well to remember what little I do. At any rate, it's never too late to learn things, right? [Right.]

Personal Word of the Day

Upon encountering a word for which I do not know the definition, I shall look it up and post my findings here. To wit, a short story, by Walter de la Mare, entitled "The Froward Child". Froward is a word that I've often read, and I more or less understand in the context that it means "difficult", but my curiosity was piqued, regardless. Merriam-Webster Online says: habitually disposed to disobedience and opposition.

That sounds much grander than "difficult", doesn't it?

Womanizer

I appreciate a good pop song as much as the next kid, but the chorus of "Womanizer" is nothing more than two lines, "musically" stuttered. Can't Britney afford a better writing team? Also, the video is ... strangely inane. What's with the hair-tossing? "Look! The wigs stay on!" It mostly seems like an excuse for Britney to be artfully naked so we can see that she's got her body back. I'm sure that I'm just getting older, but seriously, pretty much any Madonna song/video prior to the year 2000 is better than this. Hell, Katy Perry is better than this.

Motherhood vs. Candidacy

There was a story on NPR this morning about how many people (apparently mostly women) are taking issue with Sarah Palin's vice-president candidacy on the grounds that she ought to be more concerned about her children than her political career. I have to say that, despite being a fairly liberally-minded woman, and not a mother, I am inclined to agree. However, as in all things, I'm looking for perspective. Some of the women interviewed made the claim that she should be putting her children first, some women said that it was not the business of anyone else to judge her parenting skills, and the point was also made that, in general, the United States public is not concerning itself with whether or not Obama (or McCain, for that matter) ought to be putting the needs of his children first. Ah yes, the ever-present cry of sexism. I've got a couple of points I want to make here, in reverse order.

1. It's true that nobody is saying Barack Obama ought to be at home taking care of his kids. However, I would point out that, to the best of my knowledge, nobody said that about Hillary Clinton, either. I think that we have to look at each individual situation. It really does have a certain amount to do with the age of the children involved. Chelsea Clinton was already a teenager by the time her mother was running for the US Senate, never mind the presidency. Sarah Palin has five children, of which (assumedly) all but one still live at home, and one of which is not even a year old and has Downs' Syndrome. It is my personal belief that yes, her children still need a greater degree of parental involvement from both parents. Let's not even get into the discussion about Palin's eldest daughter, who obviously had need of parental guidance and didn't get it. I will also say that I've read some interviews with the Obamas in which they address their methods in raising their children, and they talked a lot about how they functioned as a team and about how they worked hard to be present and keep the lines of communication open with their kids. I admit that their presented ideas about children agree strongly with my own at this point, so I'm inclined to applaud them on that count, but it still just seemed very healthy to me.
2. I agree that it is not the place of anyone else to judge Palin (or anyone) on the manner in which she chooses to raise her kids. (Or what she names them ...wtf?)However, I think that we can take something away from the situation in terms of how she handles/looks at responsibility. Kids are the biggest responsibility anyone, adult or otherwise, can take on, and I think that more important than the issues of sexism involved is the question of whether or not a person has really given serious thought to how much other activity can go on at the same time as the attempts to maintain a family. Maybe she really is a superwoman who can balance it all, but I think that maybe I'd rather see someone opt out of an activity out of concern that it might be too much as opposed to taking it all on and waiting for "too much" to present itself.
3. Finally, yes. I do think that it is somewhat selfish for Palin to try for one of the biggest jobs in the country when she's got 4 kids at home, one with extra-special needs, and an imminent grandchild whose parents are still children themselves.What it is mostly about is those children: people who probably need Mrs. Palin more than the country does. What's that saying? "(Insert noun here) starts at home"? There are many ways in which a person can make this country/world a better place, and I think that raising good people is one of them. It's got nothing to do with sex to me. I have thought a fair amount about the effect that the election/presidency will have on Obama's kids, too. Maybe that's where my personal politics come in in addition to more information regarding the Obamas stance on how they're raising their kids. I've read a bit about that, so I feel as though they've addressed the issue. Perhaps we should give Palin time to sound off a bit more on the subject. I just get the feeling that it will be contradictory to what she stands for in a lot of other ways. I'm not sure you can really wave the "conservative hockey mom" flag while you're out there stumping and a nanny takes care of your kids. You're young, Mrs. Palin. Why not give it a few years, let your kids grow up, and then run for president?

Again, just my opinion. I admit to being highly liberal and thinking that Sarah Palin is only about two steps down from Ann Coulter as it is. I admit that I'm not a parent yet, so I don't fully know what I'm talking about. I'm planning on being a parent sooner rather than later, though, so I think about the topic a lot. Finally, I admit that my arguments aren't airtight. In typing them out I've seen plenty of holes, and I've questioned my own statements a time or two. Like I said, though, all I ask is perspective. Mine's not perfect either, but at least I'm trying to think about the issue rather than just throw out a black and white answer devoid of thought. We've got enough of that floating around these days, don't you think?

Blogging a blog

One of my sites that gets checked every day is IMDb. They quite often have interesting links and news items that an entertainment culture nerd like myself gets a kick out of. Today, I'm particularly enjoying this link: Cinematical Seven: Children's Books That Need to be Filmed Immediately. I have to admit that I haven't read 3 of the 7 (perhaps incentive to correct that...), but Cinematical gets major points from me for mentioning two of my favorite books from my childhood; namely Ghosts I Have Been and Jackaroo. I would love to see either of those on the big screen, and I'm really going to have to go read them over again, now. There might be some book-buying in my future. Hrm.

Anyway. Check it out! You might find something to read...

Under the radar catablogging

Alright, so I'm not officially blogging at work yet, but I'm just so excited by this particular item that I'm jumping the gun.
Mary : a fiction
[Wollstonecraft, Mary, 1759-1797]
London : Printed for J. Johnson, St. Paul's Church-Yard, MDCCLXXXVIII [1788]

This is the first edition of Mary Wollstonecraft's first and only novel before she went on to write A Vindication on the Rights of Women. Wikipedia calls this novel "an important development in the history of the novel because it helped shape an emerging feminist discourse." In checking the catalog for a Wollstonecraft bibliography, I came upon John Windle's Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin 1759-1797, which is a very nice and detailed bibliography, complete with transcriptions, collational formulas, and title-page facsimiles. Our copy is, sadly lacking the half-title, which Windle says is "required", but it does have the manuscript "correction" on page 178. I'm not positive whether or not a copy without the half-title is of a different edition, etc. but it seems as though the manuscript point would still indicate the first edition. Either way, I think this is pretty sweet, so sue me.

Random rare book revelations

So, post-RBS, I have (mostly unsurpisingly) lost momentum, but seem to have settled into what I think is an upward climb in terms of cataloging. Writing a policy is on hold because there's just too much prior information to be slogged through. I've had occasion to get my hands on some leftover 16th century items in the Dewey collection, so attempts are being made to get those cataloged in proper(ish) DCRMB format. Last week I felt as though I'd learned just enough to be dangerous -- this week I have felt quite inadequate, but it's getting better. I'm refreshing things learned in grad school, putting into practice things learned at RBS, and I think I'm starting to churn out some reasonably pretty records. I've learned that truly, most collational formulae are not that complex, that it's really fun/exciting to correctly identify printers' devices, and that 16th century French printers often used "lz" as a substitute for "k". I'm quite getting the hang of the whole "u/v" problem, but I must say that even when you know you're transcribing correctly, it's really frustrating to write down something as a "u" when in modern terms it would be a "v". And boy, do I ever need to learn Latin. I sort of know what words ought to look like, so I can usually tell what's missing with contractions, but it'd be nice to know what the words mean.

All in all, I guess I am feeling much more comfortable and confident about this gig, and that's worth a lot. Now then, this here book is not gonna collate itself. Once more into the fray...

Oh. I meant to make a note of the things that are still problematic. I am still very confused by 240s and 246s, still afraid of describing bindings, and don't quite get the concept of the order of 500 notes. I'm trying to remember to plug in 752s in OCLC, but apparently they don't transfer out. What I need to do is compile a list of the areas I'm doing and just make sure that my records go down the checklist. Hmm.

Purposefully vague

Isn't it funny how in just the right set of circumstances, some action from your past that you've never really questioned suddenly seems other than what it was? What's that Meatloaf song? "Objects in the Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are". As though looking backwards suddenly makes one wistful, makes the past rosy, makes us forget what we really thought/felt and unconsciously remember it differently. Can't go back but wouldn't even if you could, so what's the difference?

How ridiculous.

Briefly

A few words to remind myself that I (might) have a lot to say and (definitely) have a lot to do following my experience at Rare Book School. Of first order, though, is actually getting home again, so signing off from hotel a la Charlottesville. Miles to go before I sleep...

Tall order

Ever been to freewillastrology.com? Here's mine for the day.

LEO:
ButlersGuild.com named Mr. Ravi Shankar as its Butler of the Year. Serving as Head Butler of the Qasr Al Sharq hotel in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, Shankar "always acts with complete integrity in everything he does." Your simple yet arduous assignment, Leo, is to be worthy of that same description. Are you up to the challenge? Can you be morally and ethically impeccable, between now and noon on June 18, in every single thing you do and say and think? Do you have the willpower to be absolutely free of hypocrisies, deceits, and manipulations? Can you refrain from speaking derisive or careless words about anyone, while at the same time being rigorously authentic and intent on telling the deepest truths?

Yikes. A worthy challenge, to be sure.

Turn of phrase

There's a phrase that has long confused me, and when I came upon it last night in chapter 2 of The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, I attempted to dissect it, and became even more confused than I was before. The phrase in question is "not unkindly". First of all, isn't that a double negative? Not + un? Secondly, it seems to be purposefully contradictory of itself. Let's break it down. First of all, the word kindly. Merriam Webster Online defines kindly as "of an agreeable or beneficial nature". So kindly = good. Moving on to unkindly, which is defined as "not kindly". Nice and succinct, there, MW. Unkindly = bad. Now, "not unkindly". Basically, what we're talking about here, at a very basic level, is not not kindly. It's so ...awkward. Why is it so often used?
The thing that really gets me, though, is how it's used in narrative. I think the reason it's so bloody confusing is that the context is never, ever clear. For example:

When the train at last crawled back into the Prague station early that evening, Josef remained in his seat, unable to move, until a passing conductor suggested, not unkindly, that the young gentleman had better get off.

That could so easily be taken either way. The conductor could be a nice guy and sympathetically tell the poor young man he needed to get off the train, OR he could just as easily be a total jerk and say "Beat it, ya bum." Obviously, given our new clarification of the phrase, the conductor is the former. But really, that double negative confuses us, and we're left unsettled, not entirely sure that we've read it right, and wondering if we're supposed to be feeling any more badly for poor Josef Kavalier than we already are.

Not, perhaps, the most enlightening blog post ever, but hey! Now that I've picked the whole thing apart, I understand it a lot more. And really, it's my blog. Isn't it all about me? I mean that not unkindly. ;)

Bernard Pivot/James Lipton Questionnaire

1. What is your favorite word?
Renaissance.
2. What is your least favorite word?
Mature.
3. What turns you on?
Sarcasm.
4. What turns you off?
Tone-deafness.
5. What sound or noise do you love?
Rain and thunder.
6. What sound or noise do you hate?
Retching.
7. What is your favorite curseword?
I think that "fuck" needs no excuses, explanations, or embellishments.
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Acting.
9. What profession would you not like to participate in?
Medicine.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
"Never mind that whole 'the road to hell' thing; your intentions were good."

Book nerdery: updated

"What we have here is the top 106 books most often marked as "unread" by LibraryThing’s users. As in, they sit on the shelf to make you look smart or well-rounded. Bold the ones you've read, underline the ones you read for school, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish. Here's the twist: add (*) beside the ones you liked and would (or did) read again or recommend. Even if you read 'em for school in the first place."

I saw this list yesterday on one of the book nerd blogs I read, and it looked interesting...I have to admit to looking forward to seeing how many of these I have actually read. Plus, of course, I shall use it as a reference going forward. There are several on the list I've been meaning to get to...

The Aeneid
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay*
American Gods*
Anansi Boys
Angela’s Ashes : a memoir
Angels & Demons
Anna Karenina
Atlas Shrugged* (Read multiple times.)
Beloved
The Blind Assassin
Brave New World
The Brothers Karamazov (I'll go back eventually.)
The Canterbury Tales
The Catcher in the Rye* (This is a favorite.)
Catch-22
A Clockwork Orange
Cloud Atlas
Collapse : how societies choose to fail or succeed
A Confederacy of Dunces
The Confusion
The Corrections
The Count of Monte Cristo* (One of the best books ever.)
Crime and Punishment
Cryptonomicon
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
David Copperfield
Don Quixote
Dracula* (Another fave.)
Dubliners*
Dune
Eats, Shoots & Leaves* (Everyone should read this.)
Emma
Foucault’s Pendulum
The Fountainhead (Not as good as Atlas.)
Frankenstein* (Classic!!)
Freakonomics : a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything
The God of Small Things
The Grapes of Wrath
Gravity’s Rainbow
Great Expectations* (Awesome.)
Gulliver’s Travels (Didn't like it; ought to try again.)
Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
The Historian : a novel
The Hobbit* (Duh.)
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
The Iliad (Not as good as The Odyssey.)
In Cold Blood : a true account of a multiple murder and its consequences
The Inferno
Jane Eyre* (OMG Love.)
Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell* (Reading now!!)
The Kite Runner
Les Misérables
Life of Pi : a novel
Lolita
Love in the Time of Cholera
Madame Bovary
Mansfield Park
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlemarch (Awesome.)
Middlesex
Mrs. Dalloway
The Mists of Avalon* (Over and over and over...)
Moby Dick
The Name of the Rose
Neverwhere
1984
Northanger Abbey
The Odyssey
Oliver Twist
The Once and Future King
One Hundred Years of Solitude
On the Road (Sorry, but this is boring.)
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
Oryx and Crake : a novel
A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present (Currently reading.)
Persuasion*
The Picture of Dorian Gray
The Poisonwood Bible : a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man (Quite confusing.)
Pride and Prejudice
The Prince
Quicksilver
Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books
The Satanic Verses
The Scarlet Letter
Sense and Sensibility
A Short History of Nearly Everything
The Silmarillion
Slaughterhouse-five
The Sound and the Fury
A Tale of Two Cities
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
The Time Traveler’s Wife
To the Lighthouse
Treasure Island
The Three Musketeers
Ulysses (I will go back again someday.)
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Vanity Fair
War and Peace
Watership Down*
White Teeth
Wicked : the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
Wuthering Heights
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : an inquiry into values

So...how'd I do? 49? Almost half. Not bad! :)

For me to know, having found out -

It may be good ... that romantic love should form the motive for a marriage, but it should be understood that the kind of love which will enable a marriage to remain happy and to fulfill its social purpose is not romantic, but is something more intimate, affectionate, and realistic.

~Bertrand Russell, Marriage and Morals

Bloody brilliant. Also,

Unhappiness is the ultimate form of self-indulgence.
~Tom Robbins

A favorite-

The sea is calm to-night.
The tide is full, the moon lies fair
Upon the straits; on the French coast the light
Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand;
Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.
Come to the window, sweet is the night-air!
Only, from the long line of spray
Where the sea meets the moon-blanched land,
Listen! you hear the grating roar
Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling,
At their return, up the high strand,
Begin, and cease, and then again begin,
With tremulous cadence slow, and bring
The eternal note of sadness in.

Sophocles long ago
Heard it on the Agaean, and it brought
Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow
Of human misery; we
Find also in the sound a thought,
Hearing it by this distant northern sea.

The Sea of Faith
Was once, too, at the full, and round earth's shore
Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furled.
But now I only hear
Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,
Retreating, to the breath
Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear
And naked shingles of the world.


Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world, which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.

~Dover Beach, Matthew Arnold

Breakthrough?

So, last weekend I fenced in the North Atlantic Sectional Championships. Competitors were from various parts of NY, ME, RI, CT, MA and maybe a few other New England type spots. Vermont? Anyway, there were 50 competitors in Women's Epee - pretty strong event. I had what continues to seem to me a mind-bogglingly good day, and I finished in 3d place. I am WAY excited about this for many reasons, most importantly the fact that it's truly the best fencing I've done in a really long time - possibly ever. It was smart and well-executed. If I had fenced that way and not made it as far as the round of 4 I think I still would have been pretty stoked. To be able to say that I earned a medal, reconfirmed my C (THANK GOD), and qualified to fence Division IA at Nationals (even though I'm not going) is so much really tasty gravy. It's mostly nice to feel as if work and practice is starting to pay off, and maybe I'm going to climb off of my 4 year plateau sometime in the near future.

So, yay. :D

Pretty

Beloved, thou hast brought me many flowers
Plucked in the garden, all the summer through
And winter, and it seemed as if they grew
In this close room, nor missed the sun and showers.
So, in the like name of that love of ours,
Take back these thoughts which here unfolded too,
And which on warm and cold days I withdrew
From my heart's ground. Indeed, those beds and
bowers
Be overgrown with bitter weeds and rue,
And wait thy weeding; yet here's eglantine,
Here's ivy!-take them, as I used to do
Thy flowers, and keep them where they shall not pine.
Instruct thine eyes to keep their colours true,
And tell thy soul their roots are left in mine.

~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Sweet November

Based off of trivia and quotes from the film Sweet November, it would appear that Jason Isaacs (Lucius Malfoy, c'mon) appears as the cross-dressing, possibly gay best friend character. That might almost be worth watching. What is the world coming to?

Why fencing? (250 words or less)

My friends who run the Phoenix Center, where I now fence, have asked their fencers to write a short essay on why they enjoy fencing. I thought it was an interesting exercise ... mostly to break it down to the gist of the thing and to really look at my thoughts on the subject. I thought it might be worth sharing. Enjoy.

Why do I love to fence? I believe that fencing is a true metaphor for all other aspects of life; both in terms of social existence and internal growth. Involvement in the sport can aid and enhance personal development in a variety of ways.

My favorite aspect of fencing is the fact that anyone can do it. Fencers come in all sizes: short, tall, fat, thin; they come in all ages and colors and from walks of life. I’m not entirely sure there’s another sport that can boast of such diversity. I’ve made lifelong friends through fencing, and I’m always amazed by the range of people who choose to devote some part of themselves to the sport.

Fencing encompasses all of the positives of engaging in an athletic endeavor: fitness, discipline, a sense of pride in one’s performance. Before I took up fencing, I was not a particularly athletically gifted person; now I can move into just about any sport and perform as a reasonable level. It’s helped me stay in shape and been a motivating factor in maintaining exercise habits. It’s developed a healthy sense of competition.

Ultimately, fencing has made me who I am. After sixteen years, I truly believe that I have found all of the best and worst in myself through fencing. I understand my limitations and my strengths, both physically and mentally. Fencing means personal growth, social development, and application of oneself to something that can prove worthwhile for a lifetime.

Resistance is futile

I was thinking this morning about assimilation. Not in scary Borg terms, but just in general. The kind of assimilation that makes us become a minivan-driving soccer mom, or that makes the be-tattooed and pierced mid-twenty something crowd buy their babies' onesies at Hot Topic.

You know, it's all conformity. We're all conforming to something. It is only our own sensibilities that determine what we conform to, at least at the most personal level. I think the point I was trying to get to in my head was that, to a degree, there is nothing wrong with a little bit of conformity. It's the natural byproduct of being a part of human society. There are certain concessions to be made to the social mentality. Accept it. It doesn't have to be a complete destruction of one's personality or beliefs, particularly if it's with regard to something of only marginal importance. Much like the favorite cliche, I'm not saying that if all your friends shoot heroin, you should do the same. I'm saying ... if it's the concession that you have to, say, wear business attire for an interview, suck it up. Is it really that big a deal? Is it life-threatening? Are you really going to spontaneously turn into Donald Trump if you have to wear something other than your usual uniform in order to feed yourself and pay your rent? Look at it this way: it's modern evolution at work. Survival of the fittest. Keep your principles, if you wish, but understand that there may come a time where it's them or you.

It seems to me that there's a fine line to being principled. Great, you've got your guns and you're stickin' to 'em. All I ask is for a little perspective, a little moderation. I think you can stick to your guns in a mature manner and understand that sometimes, well, you're just gonna have to leave those guns at home. I don't think one needs to take such a mandate as some personal indictment of, well, anything. Just means you're behaving like a rational human being. Be yourself at home. Go nuts. Be yourself around your friends. At some point, you will reach a balance and discover that there are ways to even be yourself at work or within the confines of greater society. And it's not selling out. It's being a grown-up. It's surviving. It's Darwin, man.

I don't have a big point to make here; it's just something I was thinking about. I know a lot of younger people who are struggling to find the balance in life between wishing to never be forced not to be themselves, and understanding that sometimes, you're just gonna have to be somebody else for a little while. The point is just not to turn into that other person all the time; rather to combine the necessary traits of Society You with Real You.

I definitely consider myself an individual. I hope to remain one. For me, being an individual means liking what I like and doing what I do, regardless of whether or not someone else thinks it's completely bizarre or completely mainstream. I like Dave Matthews and Fantomas. I enjoy professional sports, but I do think the glorification and pay of professional atheletes is obscene. I like to be esoteric and intellectual sometimes, and sometimes I like to watch television and pay attention to the trainwreck that is Britney Spears. I have my doubts about whether or not marriage as a social function is really the right idea, but I chose to get married and to make that relationship work through active engagement, conversation, and compromise. I would infinitely prefer to spend my time in jeans and flip-flops, but I accept that as an adult, sometimes I have to wear high heels.

Conformity doesn't have to be a four-letter word. Just think of it as a survival tactic, except that instead of developing a longer, pointier beak, you're learning to hold your opinions in check if it will keep you from offending your boss. It's still all about making it home with (and for) dinner.

What kind of flirt are you?

I log out of Myspace, and there it is - one of those annoying and ubiquitous (annoyingly ubiquitous?) flash ads, demanding to know what kind of flirt I am. There are horrifically stereotypical pictures with captions like "Seductive" or "Playful" and what-have-you, and as I'm sitting there looking at it, I realize that there's only one good answer to that question.

"Successful."

All-important questions (XLJ)

Would you watch seven seasons (seven seasons) of a television show that you are only mildly interested in, just for the sake of catching a celebrity you love in something like 4 episodes in the middle of the very last season? Think carefully about that. I just can't countenance it, somehow, and people who know the show seem to think I'll be terribly lost and confused if I just watch those 4 or 5 episodes.

...No, I'm not going to tell you. I'll be impressed if you can guess, though.

Five times?

Maximum Strength Mick asks, "What movies have you watched five times?"

I am totally on board with this. My favorite movies aren't all classics, they're just movies that I love, that never fail to touch me or make me laugh or just have some kind of effect. As such, here are five movies that I can always watch.
Singin' in the Rain
Sense & Sensibility(Ang Lee/Emma Thompson)
Clueless
Amelie
Notting Hill

Some of 'em won Oscars, some of 'em didn't. I love them, though, and I'd totally give them awards. S&S would get the Best Declaration of Love award (Edward to Eleanor), as well as the Most Moving Moment, Non-Verbal award (Brandon after he brings Marianne's mother). Clueless totally gets the Best First Kiss award (Josh & Cher), Notting Hill wins the Most Absurd Storyline that Still Actually Kind of Works award. Singin' in the Rain is just the best movie ever, I think. Amelie has the distinction of being a movie that I can watch and then, as the credits begin to roll, think to myself "I could watch it again..."

So yeah. I'm all for Award Season and celebrating a bunch of movies that very few people outside of Academy members saw, but let's be honest. Who's really gonna buy There Will be Blood on DVD and watch it over and over again? Last of the Mohicans, now, there's a Daniel Day-Lewis movie I've seen five times.

Long live the arguably lowbrow but always enjoyable movie. I'm gonna go home and watch the rest of The 10th Kingdom.

Warm-up

So, I went to a tournament last night. A nearby club hosts monthly, Wednesday night tournaments, not really big affairs, but I think you'll find that it wasn't noticeably a slouch tournament. For the non-fencer, all those Bs and Cs mean pretty decent fencers. Add to that the fact that most of them were men, and they're generally stronger fencers (both literally and figuratively) than a woman of the same ranking. Not always true, but a reasonable guess.
In my pool, I broke even, 2-2. I beat the two other women handily (5-1 in both cases). I lost to the two men 5-3 and 5-4, which I'm perfectly happy with, under the circumstances. Neither of them was completely unbeatable for me.
I actually won my first DE, which I was very happy about, given the guy was quite easily twice my size. And apparently a C himself. Go me! 15-14 makes it look like a crap shoot, but I will say that I fenced well the entire bout, used my head, and was just making less mistakes than he was.
I lost my second DE to the eventual winner, who I'd call a pretty strong B, and I don't think he was unbeatable either. He was doing a lot of showy moves that, had I been focusing on the correct target, I would have made him pay for. I don't think I was what he was expecting at all. I'm really, really happy with 15-10 on a solid (male) B.
So, I finished in 8th. I'm totally happy with that result.

All this is leading up to the fact that I will be in Atlanta this weekend, fencing at the Div I NAC. Again, for non-fencers, a Div I means that you have to be at least a C to compete, and you'll be competing against other Cs as well as Bs and As. It's not mixed, so I'll just be fencing women. Div Is are the big time; the people who will be on the Olympic Team for this year are at these things. I actually warmed up with an Olympic prospect at my last Div I.

What this all means, in very simple terms (if you're actually still reading) is that I will most likely get my ass completely handed to me. But I hope to learn something from that, and I hope to do better than at my first Div I, so we'll see how it goes. I'm definitely on a little bit of a high from last night, so we'll keep that momentum going. I stayed calm, I wasn't terribly sloppy, I did a semi-decent job of evaluating my opponents and altering my game accordingly. So, wish me luck.

Mostly, I'm excited to see old friends, hang out with my brother, and buy new equipment. Gotta pick up the rating this year, otherwise it'll go down, and D08 just doesn't have an attractive ring to it.

That's quite enough fencing talk for a while. Tonight there is nothing more exciting planned than a trip to the gym and Waitress with Nathan Fillion. Mmmm. That He ought to get me through the day.

PS: Just got my re-lo reimbursement check from Vassar, so now it's totally a good day. Squee!

Quote of the Day

The Roycrofters were participants of an arts & crafts community in New York in the 20th century. They had a press and published books that look a lot like stuff from the Kelmscott Press. This quote is from the back of such a publication in pamphlet form.

Hate means a hot-box and sand in the bearings, while love lubricates all the affairs of life.

...awesome.

How Can I Keep from Singing?

It's rather frustrating to not have an office; rather, to work in a rather small area ... I listen to music through my headphones, and sometimes, with a song I like, it's all I can do to keep from singing along. Sometimes it's almost a physical discomfort. How ridiculous.

But oh my love, though our bodies may be parted
Though our skin may not touch skin
Look for me with the sun-bright sparrow
I will come on the breath of the wind
~Yankee Bayonet (I Will Be Home Then): The Decemberists

Come on
Without you I'll never feel the love inside of me
Come on, you know that we belong
Come on, come on, come on, come on
~Come On: Ben Jelen

Can he really really
really really really
really really be that bad?
~Really That Bad: The Pipettes

Singing boy pick up that fiddle
And play that steel guitar
And find yourself a lady
And dance right where you are
~Private Conversation: Lyle Lovett

There was a time you let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you?
The holy dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
~Hallelujah: Rufus Wainwright

The End of 2007

I'll talk about the holidays some other time, but now I'm in the empty student center at Vassar, checking up on things. The guy a few kiosks behind me has been playing Morphine out loud for the past 15 minutes, and I'm really tempted to turn around and request "Whisper".


Happy New Year.

Jesus H. Christ, Hollywood...

They know what causes babies now, y'know. And it's not something in the water.

Why we have more fun when we're young:

LOVE (imagine that it's flashing; hell, throw in some jazz hands, too) is much more entertaining than actual settled-down-wouldn't-trade-grow-old-together love.

Think about it.

Hypocrisy and Comfort Levels

At work:

So, I walk around the corner, headed to the bathroom, and over in the corner is a girl laying stretched on the floor next to her laptop, which is playing (out loud, no headphones) what sounds like Carrie Underwood. I keep walking, mentally shaking my head and thinking "Geez, what does she think this is, her living room?" and am forced to remind myself that I'm on the way to the bathroom in order to brush my teeth.

Always the best

I stay in reasonably close contact with a friend that I worked with at Buffalo's Cafe, during my (original) college days. Today, we're chatting online when he receives a phone call from another former Buffalo's employee. She called to tell him that another co-worker of ours had died two months ago in a housefire.

Man. I don't even know what to say about that. I remember her so well. She was, first of all, a gorgeous girl. She was also sweet, sassy, and smart, and one of the hardest workers I've ever known. We called her "The Machine".

She was one of the good ones, y'know? It's so weird how things like this happen, not only to good people, but seemingly to a small group of individuals; for example, college students who worked at Buffalo's during the late 90s. We lost another coworker several years ago to a drunk driver, and just this past year another individual who was a regular musician at Buffalo's died suddenly from cancer.

I guess sometimes we need a reminder that life and death are inescapable and without judgement.

Bibliomania

"I have been asked to write a foreword to this bibliography, a work whose good fortune I truly desire, but the nature of whose value or interest to anybody I do not understand. As for myself, I am a collector of sea-shells. I live in the strong though ebbing hope of finding someday on a briefly uncovered sand-bar a right-handed Left-Handed Whelk; or even, someday, after propitious foul weather, of digging out of the beach under the jealous eyes of hundreds who dare not quite attack me and wrest it from me, a perfect Junonia. The very thought of the words "Conus gloria-maris, Hwass" fills me with an ecstasy of longing and despair. But the sight of the words "matchless copy of Hookes' Amanda, with both blank leaves G5 and H" leaves me unaffected. However, as I said, to this bibliography, and to its compiler and to its readers, I wish good fortune. As a maniac in one department, I salute the maniacs in another: may sweet Insanity forever charm our days."

-Edna St.Vincent Millay, foreword to A Bibliography of the Works of ESVM by Karl Yost

The Little Engine that Couldn't

If you know me at all, you're probably aware that I am fiercely competitive, and that I hate to be seen as weak. As much as I might try to believe that women can do anything men can, sometimes, it must be admitted that it's simply not true. Particularly if one is a moderately short woman.

This move has been an interesting experiment in being honest with myself and saying "Face it, Sam. You can't pick up that box and carry it to the car." I'll probably find some other physical activity with which to destroy my body, but I'm proud of myself for acknowledging my limitations. It still sucks that I can't just move everything myself, but what are you going to do? Sometimes it has to be all about the little victories, no?

Hobbies?

This weekend we went to a birthday tea party for a very cool friend of mine. We passed an enjoyable afternoon nibbling on pastries and drinking copious amounts of tea whilst chatting away with said friend and her (equally cool) friends. Now, when I call my friend "cool", I mean it. She's a special collections cataloger, she used to fence, she dabbles heavily in costumery, sewing, cooking, belly dancing...she does a lot. She always has some kind of project going. Her friends would seem to be equally inclined, and at some point in the conversation, we're asked "So, what do you do when you're not being librarians?" And suddenly, I feel intimidated. What are my hobbies??

Fencing, admittedly, can be a pretty all-encompassing hobby. But what do I do if I'm not fencing? Singing, too, can take up a lot of one's time, but I'm not doing that these days. What else? I like doing the crossword in the morning. I spend way too much time on the Internet. I like the usual reading, listening to music, and watching movies, but would I call any of those a hobby? Not particularly. I used to do cross-stitch when I was younger. I can sometimes be counted on to go to the gym regularly. I really like hanging out with my husband. Occasionally we go roller-blading.

So, let's say that, beyond fencing, I don't really have any hobbies. Seeing as I really only fence maybe once or twice a week, what on earth is it that I spend the rest of my time doing? I have no idea. I don't even watch that much television. Must be the Internet.

The natural progression here is to say "Well then, get yourself a hobby!" quickly followed by "What are you interested in? What would you like to do?"

...
...
...

No effing clue. If I look at myself hard in the mirror, I realize that I am not a particularly creative person. Sure, I've tried art and writing and dance, and I'm so-so at all of them, but if I try to think of something I'd actually like to do with my time, none of those jump out at me. Sewing, etc. seems cool sometimes, mostly because in the library world it seems a lot of people go in for that kind of thing. I've been there, done that on the music front, although I'd like to make an honest try of learning to play those tin whistles I've got lying around.

I find myself leaning toward the physical. I'd like to roller-blade more. I could always fence more. One of my best friends (another highly multi-faceted and hobby-laden individual) is now firmly ensconced in the world of roller derby, and man! that looks fun. Ballroom dancing looks interesting, although I think I require some form of outside motivation, and I'm not really sure competitive ballroom fits the bill for me. I'd like to take yoga or Pilates classes, too.

So, there's a few things I could come up with. The problem then becomes being disciplined enough to do them. Plus, with a lot of the physical pastimes, there's an issue of money. In order to do things right, you need teachers and coaches, and in the case of fencing equipment and tournaments (or at least I do - again, the competitive thing).

The ultimate question, then, is "Am I just being lazy?" Lots of hobbies cost money. Sewing costs money to buy materials, etc. My friends with lots of hobbies are no less busy and no more monied than I, yet they find the time and the means to do all the things they do. So what's my problem? Is there some fabulous hobby somewhere that I've not thought of that I should be tapping into? Or should I just become one of the television-happy masses?

Seriously, if anyone's paying attention, I'd love to hear suggestions. Seeing as I'm about to move across the country and spend the next 6 months without my husband or a computer at home, I might as well try some new stuff, no?

PS - In reading back over this post, I think that the issue of "motivation" is a big factor for me. I'd want to do something with my hobby, if you get my meaning. With fencing, I've traveled a fair bit and won a few medals here and there, and that seems to be enough, so it's not major motivation, but there does have to be some. Guess that's something to think about.

American Gangster

The dilemma: I love Russell Crowe. I hate gangster movies. What do I do?

Positive reviews all over the place, even in the LA Times! Russell gets bad press from E!Online gossip columnists who want to maintain his poopy-pants image! Oscar buzz is rampant! He does the press dance, adorably imitating his son Charlie on Leno! And the crowning insult: American Gangster is up against Bee Movie for the weekend box office crown. As much as I love Russell Crowe, I loathe Jerry Seinfeld.

...But I really don't like gangster movies. I actually kind of actively dislike gangster movies. It's not like "Eh, I'm not feelin' it", it's more "Ugh, power-lusting men with guns. Pass."

Stay tuned for the resolution. We really might have to go see it, if only to do my part to keep Seinfeld from taking the box office.

Sigh.

Out of the Deep End

I'm sure it's occurred to me before now, but I really thought about it last night: I haven't lived in that many different parts of the US, but I've traveled a fair bit, and this place easily has the most advertisements for cosmetic surgery ... and by "easily the most" I mean there are tons. Ugh.

Entertainment

This weekend we (along with my brother and a good friend) had the distinct pleasure of seeing the Royal Shakespeare Company's staging of King Lear, starring Ian McKellen.
While there are always things to be nit-picky about, staging or someone's delivery for example, overall I found the play absolutely riveting. We of course wanted to see Sir Ian onstage. The appearance of Sylvester McCoy, a former Dr. Who, as the Fool was also exciting. But really, it made me realize that it's been quite some time (indeed, I can't remember the last) since I've seen real, honest-to-god theatre. McKellen and the actor playing Edgar, in particular, were really quite phenomenal and disappeared into their characters. I felt so sorry for Lear.

It being Los Angeles, we had a pretty exciting celeb encounter: Tom Hanks, his wife Rita Wilson, and two of their sons (I think they have more) were in the audience for the Saturday matinee. As a testament to McKellen's acting, at some point my brother said "You know, it's pretty impressive, really. 'Cause, you know, (pointing) that's Tom Hanks over there, but (pointing to the stage) that is not really Ian McKellen, is it?"

Indeed.

ABC, are you watching?

That's Jonathan Papelbon, the Red Sox's scary-ass closer, celebrating their Division win. Supposedly he's quoted as saying "Next stop, Dancing with the Stars". Dude. DWTS needs a baseball player; they haven't had one yet. Plus, once you stop laughing, recognize that the boy can actually dance. And finally, look at him in his skivvies. Boy is ripped. He would look good in a tux, is all I'm sayin'.

Fascination

I really want to know about John Linnell's college career, but no-one seems to know anything. Alas.

Apocalypse?

Thought #1: I absolutely refuse to believe that Britney Spears might actually have semi-decent taste in literature.
Thought #2: Wait a minute. She can read?

Take that, LA Times!

This morning I finished my second Friday crossword ever. That sucker's hard. Soon I'll be graduating to the NY Times. Go me.

Double Standards

I've only been meaning to post about this for a couple of months now. Somehow, the time was never right, so I've just decided to go for it.

I would not describe myself as a feminist. For the most part, I think feminism, by the usual definition, goes overboard. I like to think of all people as equal, and I'd like to be treated as such. I think that, too often, special interest groups move past equality and get a little too wrapped up in the "special". So, whereas I am a reasonably liberated female member of the species, I try to treat everyone in the same manner, and I try to maintain a sense of humor about expressions in our society that others tend to see as sexist, racist, or whatever.

However. I do have a problem when it comes to the double standards that are rampant in our society with regards to things like gender/race relations. To wit, the treatment and expression of men in ways that, if applied to women, would most likely bring outcry and potential bodily harm to the expressor. For example: I have seen, in the past few months, the following two t-shirts on young ladies. One was on her way to class, the other was grocery shopping, with a male companion.

Exhibit A: He's Just an Accessory
Exhibit B: Boyfriends Make Good Pets

Whoa, dude. Seriously, if a man had on a shirt that said "Girlfriends Make Good Pets", he would be lynched. Let's not even consider the ramifications of what would happen if the subject of that fashion statement was somehow racially charged. And how is that fair? Maybe the normal male would not be offended by such a statement, but seriously, I'm kind of offended for him. I think it's vile to say anything about "making a good pet" about another human being. If you know me at all, you know how much I love my cats, but they still do not take the place of my husband or my family members. And the "accessory" statement goes even further, relegating a human being to the same importance as an inanimate object!

I guess the bottom line for me is that I'd be willing to bet that either of those young ladies would consider themselves reasonably liberated, at least in terms of having their own life, not being dependent on a male, planning or having a career of their own, etc. Maybe they even think that their choice of fashion statement is in some way liberated. But really, those statements are still a part of the problem. Yes, men and women are different. But we're all here on this earth and in this society together, and we do deserve to be treated equally, at least in terms of showing respect for a fellow human being. You know, as opposed to pets and accessories.

We can't be silent

They Might Be Giants played "She's an Angel" for me (just for me, unless you can prove otherwise) Friday night during their show at the House of Blues in Anaheim. A zillion thanks to Mr. Kasper for getting us off our butts and out to the show. It was totally awesome. Plus, I have an adorable new t-shirt! We like Hammurabi best, with his emo haircut...

Edit: Check the video!! The Mesopotamians

Shattered Youth

The book I'm reading right now is entitled The Story of Britain: from the Romans to the Present: A Narrative History. So far it's really cool. It's history, but it reads fairly well. Not too sleep-inducing. Anyway, last night I just got through King John, and I'll be moving on to the Plantagenet kings next. Of the chapters I read last night, it's the last two I want to talk about: Richard the Lionheart and John. I also want to talk about Disney.

Now then. I'm not going to pretend to be astonished to learn that the bulk of Disney movies/stories, particularly if based on actual historical events, are very much historically inaccurate. This does not come as a shock. Still. I have to admit to being a little bummed out last night, in reading about the sons of Henry II, to learn that my absolute favorite Disney classic, Robin Hood, is really quite a historical mess. There's very little mention of Robin Hood himself in The Story of Britain, which is fine. He is mentioned, however, in conjunction with Prince John, as a means of demonstrating the historical characterization of John as the snivelling, money-hungry, bad-guy younger brother of the fabulous Coeur de Lion. This is not to say that he was a saint. He wasn't that great a king, really. But here's the shocking part: neither was Richard. Let's look at this through the lens of Robin Hood, shall we?

First of all, I was interested to learn that the concept of an English sheriff originated from the Anglo-Saxon times, died out for a bit after the Norman invasion, and was re-instated (I think) by Henry II. Moving on, though. Robin Hood tells us that the noble and glorious King Richard is on Crusade and that evil Prince John has taken over the throne, where he delights in taxing the heart and soul out of the good people of Nottingham, correct? Peripherally, the implication is that the Queen Mother, Eleanor of Acquitaine, is not in the picture, and that John was a mama's boy. I always got the impression that Eleanor was already dead during the action of the cartoon. Ready for the "historically inaccurate" part? Here goes.

Richard was indeed on Crusade, but John did not "take over the throne". He was given jurisdiction (by Richard) over some parts of England and France. He did become King after Richard's death, but that's neither here nor there. Richard was on Crusade for a while, and then on the way home he was captured and held for ransom by European enemies. All that taxation? It was actually Richard who introduced exorbitant taxes during the period in order to pay for his Crusade. The taxation continued, egged on by Eleanor in order to pay Richard's ransom. Eleanor was not only still around, she actually outlived her son Richard. And while the book doesn't make any mention of John's relationship with his mother, there's quite a bit of history to tell us that John was his father's favorite to the point where Henry II actually tried to take lands and money away from his other sons to give to John. Being the youngest, John had no inheritance for himself.

The truth is that neither Richard nor John was the King their father was; they were just different. Richard was hardly ever IN England, being off on Crusade or worrying about his French lands and scrapping with the French king. John was actually very present and involved in his kingdom even at a local level, but he was greedy and a bit tyrannical a la the Disney version.

Again, it's not a revelation that a Disney cartoon, intended for kids, is not the way to learn one's history. I guess what struck me was just that this was my favorite Disney movie. I still watch it every couple of months. Prior to last night, it was pretty much everything I knew about that particular bit of British history. And as a kid, certainly, it never occurs to you that it's not accurate; I guess some things hold over into adulthood. Prince John was evil, King Richard was good, Robin Hood was a hero, and so on. Sure, it's just a movie, and a kid's one at that. As an adult, I do know that things are rarely so black-and-white, and that movies of a certain type are made to entertain rather than teach. I guess I'm just a little sad that one of my favorite parts of childhood has been clouded a bit by shades of grey, and that I will probably never look at it in quite the same way again.

Note to self:

The reason that college girl looks so effing tiny to you is that she is probably 18, which makes her 14 years younger than you, and not necessarily that she has a better body/is anorexic/eats healthfully/works out all day.

Revelation.

Rage

I just saw the following t-shirt on an obese individual at the grocery store:

This working out thing isn't working out.

Ha ha fucking ha.

A weekend, mostly fencing

(Xposted from LJ, but hey, it's better than nothing, n'est-ce pas?)

I have the sinusy-cold thing that's going around. How fun.

I fenced a women's epee tournament yesterday, and finally won my first direct elimination bout in California. I'm reading The Inner Game of Tennis, which was recommended to me by one of the coaches at my club. Well, yes, it's about tennis, but really it's about sports psychology through the medium of tennis; specifically the notion that we have two selves when engaging in most activities: a doer and a talker. The talker doesn't really know how to do anything and just spends a lot of time criticizing the doer. Hence, an inner game: learning to shut up the talker and be non-judgmental about what one is doing. The idea is that if you let your body (the doer, more or less) just do what you've trained it to do, it's going to work better. So moving from that, my goal yesterday was really just to stay relaxed, try not to focus so hard, and see what happened. Well, what happened was that I went 6-1 (lost to the eventual winner*) in my pool, seeded 4th out of pools thus earning a bye into the round of 16, annihilated a C07 in my first DE (15-4), and lost in the round of 8 to a tall, skinny B, 15-11, placing me ultimately in 5th place out of 26 women. I was actually really happy w/that last bout, too, because I was moving pretty well and correcting things as I went along. It was fencing. If I'd won that bout I would've updated my C, which would have been awfully nice, but I'm not complaining. It was a solid result. I can't say I was relaxed the whole time or that "the talker" was completely silent, but it showed some promise. Focusing on something other than the immediate task at hand would appear to have some merit.

Guess that's the update for me. Andrew is ridiculously busy with choral goings-on, and things are pretty good here. Looking forward to a visit to Bloomington this month, as well as the afore-mentioned King Lear, which Ben & Austin will make the trip out to see. Yay!!

Hope everyone has a good week. :)

*Eventual winner being 19, about 100 pounds, 5'10" or so, and apparently a member of the Swedish National Team. She smoked everybody yesterday, so I don't feel too terrible.

I'm a crappy blogger

I keep trying to come up with a gimmick, and nothing works. Perhaps I'm just not a gimmicky person. Oh well. Is there anybody who reads this thing, anyway?